As a gift to us, our daughter created a beautiful album filled with special photos and letters from family members and friends telling their stories about Todd. The very first entry in the album was particularly meaningful.
The Broken Chain
We knew that morning that God was going to call your name,
In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you, the day God called your home.
You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you, you are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.
-Author Unknown-
Todd was blessed to be part of a loving, sharing family. His relationships with his sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and nephews was something many others can only dream of having. He was deeply loved and he loved in return. While replacing the photos into their albums, I was finally able to read through this special 'Todd' album. Until now, I've not been able to do that. Included in the album is a wonderful poem created by Todd's sister's friend, Rachel, who was able to write the poem from information provided to her by Todd's sister. Because it has so much meaning, I'm including the poem in this blog posting.
The Last Teardrop:
Todd Kelemen’s Vision of a Lifetime
Todd Ronald Kelemen experienced something beautiful right before his body gave up its noble fight. It was something so beautiful, so extraordinary, that it brought a single tear to his eye. But this narrative is not about what amazing sight filled his vision, for that is only for God’s chosen ones to know. This is about that solitary, shining tear that fell from his eye. For enclosed in that tear was every extraordinary moment of happiness, love, and goodness that Todd Kelemen ever experienced. That single tear held every moment, every person, and every occurrence that had made his life worth living. And as that tear slowly rolled down his face, he was able to live, breathe, see, feel and hear his most cherished memories one last and glorious time…
Enclosed in that tear was his mother’s voice, the soft soothing sound that commonly spoke the words, “I love you”, and never, not even once, did she falter.
Enclosed in that tear were the eyes of his father; eyes that despite his serious expression, revealed honesty, loyalty, integrity and deep and enduring love for his family and each member.
And in that tear was a little voice that would never forget to mention, “Untle Todd” when his parents said they were going to go over to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.
And in that tear was a vision of himself as a little boy; a boy who loved looking at the tractors from the window of his Virginia home so much that it not only became his first word, but also his beloved nickname.
Enclosed in that tear was the sound of a self taught guitar lick so amazing that he took pause to wonder if Sting himself would even be impressed.
Enclosed in that tear was the woman with the most beautiful smile, his sister, whose wisdom, compassion, humor and confidence proved to be too high of a measuring stick for anyone he dated.
Enclosed in that tear was the sound of his own laughter that only his goofy brother-in-law could cause by just saying whatever popped into his head; a true ‘brother’ with grand dreams and a spirit to match.
Enclosed in that tear were the intense blue eyes of his oldest nephew as he absorbed his uncle’s vast knowledge of planets, stars, maps and geography.
And in that tear was also the face of his littlest nephew who always had the biggest, goofiest smile waiting just for him.
Enclosed in that tear were the sounds of his favorite musicians, like The Police, The Cure, Styx, The Smithereens, and later, John Mayer, Lyle Lovett, and Dave Matthews, whose lyrics and melodic chords moved his spirit and spoke to his soul.
Enclosed in that tear were two chocolate brown eyes that held trust, love, and loyalty to the man who had saved her from death, given her the extraordinary name ‘Roxanne’, and a life that most dogs only dream about.
Enclosed in that tear were the sounds of crashing lightning, booming thunder and hard driving rain; the kind of storm that could cleanse and purify anything that it fell upon.
And in that tear was the face of a childhood friend, who eventually grew into an adult ally; a loyal friend who stuck around when most others had gone; the kind of friend that few people are ever lucky enough to have.
Enclosed in that tear was the euphoric feeling of an incredible ‘jam session’ with a high school friend who later became a fellow band member, college roommate, confidant, supporter, and brother, in every sense of the word.
Enclosed in that tear was the sound of the ruckus that came from the ‘kids table’ where all the mischievous antics of the cousin team of six ensued.
Enclosed in that tear were miscellaneous words from the New York Times crossword puzzle like, ‘sloop’, ‘verso’, and ‘delos’ that had tested his knowledge (and his patience) until he could finally and triumphantly fill in those pesky little white boxes.
That tear held the scents of suntan lotion, chlorine, and the sound of laughter among the splashing water, as many of his best summer days were spent with his family at the Troy Swim Club.
Enclosed in that tear was the smell of cotton candy, popcorn and assorted carnival fare from the day he proudly treated his nephews to an afternoon of rides, games, and toys; the same day that his oldest nephew had never let go of his hand.
Enclosed in that tear were the hands of his family; hands that would pull him back when he would drift away, hands that held tightly even when he had let go; hands that he knew would always be there if he reached for them.
And in that tear was an overwhelming feeling of love; love that astounded him because it was always there; love that he may not have always expressed in return, but was so grateful to have.
When Todd Kelemen’s teardrop reached the bottom of his face, he was given a glimpse of what was yet to come. And it was this final vision that answered everything he had ever questioned about God, heaven, and death. He knew that at last, he would never suffer again. He knew that he was finally free from all that had weighed him down. And when the teardrop came to lay in its final resting place, Todd Ronald Kelemen knew that he was finally home.
Written by Rachel Macy Stafford
With contributing thoughts, details and love from Stephanie Kelemen Krause
In loving memory of her brother, Todd Ronald Kelemen
1968-2007
I do not believe Todd wanted to die. I do not think Todd believed his behaviors were killing him. However, I do believe he felt he had no control over his life and was powerless to rise above his addiction to alcohol. He must have been in terrible emotional pain and alcohol made that pain more tolerable. As I tell more of Todd's story in future blog postings, I know I will forget important milestones and memories but I sincerely hope the things I do remember and the stories I tell will have meaning to someone else who is struggling with addiction.
I finally was able to read your blog and I think it is wonderful that you are doing it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, concerns and love for Todd. I only wish I had met him.
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